Writing this blog post after more than a year feels so awkward for me.
But I do hope you know I am grateful for you and I want to say thank you for being there.
It hasn’t been easy.
First up, I want to apologise for being so absent. It really was unintentional.
I was still working with clients but I was struggling to show up online like I used to.
I wanted to but I was exhausted. I lost my spark and I was having a hard time aligning to what fueled me.
I felt disconnected and so close to giving up on this.
At many points, I was very tempted to just throw in the towel.
Life was moving so quickly, I had taken on more than I could chew, circumstances and situations left me feeling off centre.
And whilst I had a beautiful sea change, I couldn’t find inspiration to do the things that once gave me joy.
I used the move to rest and let parts of me heal.
Unexpectedly, I was offered a role that helped me rediscover a love for something that I thought I’d moved on.
I threw myself into this job, wholeheartedly. For just over 6 months it was going great until it wasn’t. Another experience, that reminded me of why I wanted to start my own business.
There is just no such thing as job security, no matter how much of your heart and soul you invest into it. You cannot rely on someone or something else to provide that for you.
So in the middle of this move and a new job, I found myself in a transition that felt like more like sore growing pains. It still felt like I had a lot on my plate and it was overwhelming. So I put The Untamed Life on hold while I started the decluttering process.
I’m a multi-passionate person and find it very difficult to not over commit myself. So I found it particularly difficult to let go of a few things.
It was a time, I really had to figure out was important to me.
And ask the question, am I doing this for me or other people?
Two of these things were Doterra and a mastermind of girls I admire. I loved both. I still do. But unfortunately, after I made the choice to leave the mastermind, despite attempts to stay in touch, it was not reciprocated.
Doterra and the people in it are fantastic people but I hadn’t realised how much energy it would take as an advocate. I wasn’t prepared for the work it would take. I found myself putting Doterra above my own passions and it didn’t feel right.
The loss from this was not something I was ready for either. Suddenly those I thought had my back suddenly disappeared. I felt alone and lonely.
It was and is still something hard to process, and at times I’ve felt like giving up on my passions. Not just because I felt disconnected from others but I’d become disconnected from myself. And it is something I am still trying hard to work on.
Since being quiet in the social media / online business world, It’s been hard to pick up momentum again and reconnect. Was it that, people wanted to be around me when I was at my best? I was doing well in my business? So when I temporarily deactivated myself, it was no longer convenient or I was of use?
These are things I still struggle with and a reason I find it hard to get too close to people. One of the best investments I’ve made, has been seeing a psychologist. It’s been the first time since a bad experience in my teens.
I cannot believe I put this off for so long. There is a lot of stigma around it. But anyone can really benefit from seeing a psychologist. Sometimes it can be more helpful than speaking to a friend. At least a psychologist can help you assess what’s going on from a logical point of view and help you form choices that are in your best interest.
A lot has happened this year, and if you’ve been following me on Instagram or facebook you’re probably already up to date. I look forward to writing and blogging more.
Thank you again for being there and not giving up on me when I almost did.
Hope to hear from you soon.